I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
