You really coming over, don't trick.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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