Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
