he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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