I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
