so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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