Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
