Little spoons don't ask big questions
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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