And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
dude. I can hear the air.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
