Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Don't make out with my wife yet
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
