Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he puts the penis in happiness.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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