Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
