i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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