If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
