you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
