Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
