I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
