gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You were trust falling into bushes
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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