my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
