When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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