if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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