census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
