her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize