just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
