just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize