So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
