i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize