I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I believe in your delicious
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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