I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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