im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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