I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
