mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you would pick up someone in the library
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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