Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize