the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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