So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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