What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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