Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
