id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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