I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
