OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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