i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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