she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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