She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
