your parents love me but you hate me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
