I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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