Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He has the fingertips of a God
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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