we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
