I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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