He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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