I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He has the fingertips of a God
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
