theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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