I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
