She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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