Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
