is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize