I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
