I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
