I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
