Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
