omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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