After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
