I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
