Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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