you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
