I think I won the penis lottery.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize