I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
