If that was your dad, he is hot
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
