I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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