I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
