we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
