so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
