wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
