I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
