mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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