i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Be still, my beating vagina.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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