We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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