mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
