The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
