the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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