i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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