Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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