so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
