And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
