I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
