I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have demons in me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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