I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
