I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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