DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
