You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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