is your mom at the bar?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
