Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
