I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
