U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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