We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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