I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
