Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm just crazy horny about you
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
