We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
